It's colder than it's been before

The leaves have left their home

And they fall carelessly down

I swear that I've been here before

My heart has left its home

And it falls carelessly down

You'll be my ruin

At night the stars wake up

Orion once was tall

Now he falls carelessly down

And I've seen other men wake up

While others just move on

But I'm Orion falling I'm carelessly down

You'll be my ruin

Now with the days getting shorter

The wind it brings a chill

Snow will fall carelessly down

And I swear I hear a message

It's muddled jiberish

It won't help me to sleep

While it whispers you're in love

You're a sucker for the pretty ones

But she's more, she's my friend

You'll be my ruin

The "Two Masters" Thing...

I made a decision about four weeks ago that I needed to sell my truck.  Within two weeks of that decision it was sold; sold on Halloween to be exact.

Lately, there have been questions I have asked of myself that I would say I have never considered asking until recent.  They have been questions that have greatly challenged my sense of priority and what I consider to be important and necessary.  They have been questions that have revealed interesting things about my nature, who I am, and what, by my actions, I would consider to be important.  In discerning some of these questions I have been growing more aware of how it is engrained in every fiber of my soul to consume and feel the right to do so.  I feel an incredibly strong sense to my unalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (property, as the Declaration of Independence so inspirationally says...)

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I really don't have a lot.  Those who know me would also agree that I have never really made enough money to grant me the freedom to acquire all that I want.  But make no mistake about it: my nature is to want to consume, to fill my life with "stuff" that I deem valuable, and to do it proudly and shamelessly.  It is a sense of entitlement that has been stitched into my soul since the day I was born by the culture in which I was brought up in.  It is as much a part of me as my laugh or my personality.  It's natural and I wouldn't even stop for a second to consider the consequences of it (these could be anywhere from how I personally contribute to corrupt and oppressive systems when I buy clothes and such, pollute the air with vehicle exhaust, or just the idea that my sense of entitlement shapes my perception of the world and my perception of God)

I sold my truck secondarily because of the obvious economic burden that comes with a gas guzzling vehicle with payments and insurance.  But mainly, I sold it because it reflects so well my desire and sense of entitlement to go where I want, when I want to, as fast as traffic will let me in order that I might do what I feel I need to do.  I needed to make a clean break and allow God to begin teaching me to let go of things I feel like I can't live without.  

So my goal is to make it though the winter without a car.  Maybe that will lead to a renewed ambition and vigor to continue to surrender every aspect of my life over to a God that doesn't give excessively to some but abundantly for all.  Maybe God will show me how to do the same so that I may be generous and benevolent with all that I have instead of being protective and self seeking with what I don't.  

 

I need a "I didn't Vote" sticker..."

I found it very interesting listening to people share their experiences as they described the experience of voting today.  It was funny hearing how people internalized and processed all the events leading up to today.  Funny because of all the debates, personal conversations, rallies, and ads (I can remember last night all of the last minute adds with some being way stonger than I have seen so far) that have tried to capture any attention that may be left in the voting public and how this has ultimately swayed their votes.

I didn't vote today.

Or maybe a better way to say that is I didn't vote for presidential, congressional, and local candidates today.  I just really don't expect a whole lot from those we are expected to vote for.  Call it jaded, misinformed, irresponsible, cynical, or flat out lazy; I have just learned to expect over promising and under delivering from those that try to convince us they are the change we need for the country.

I guess I am just starting to believe that maybe my responsibility in being an American citizen isn't necessarily voting for someone who I think aligns better with my beliefs or supports what I support.  Maybe I'm seeing the crux of my freedom isn't to have a voice in the next president (although some could argue that we give ourselves way too much credit as the voting public...try voting republican in chicago and see how far the goes...).  Maybe, my vote has more to do with what I do and support everyday (that means owning up to the fact that I have bought clothes from places that are known to exploit people...that counts for something) and how it is embodied in my life then it just casting my vote and expecting someone else to do it.

So this voting year, I wish the best of luck to the 2 presidential candidates.  Maybe I will continue to change personally, so I can be the change I am hopeful for.