The "Two Masters" Thing...

I made a decision about four weeks ago that I needed to sell my truck.  Within two weeks of that decision it was sold; sold on Halloween to be exact.

Lately, there have been questions I have asked of myself that I would say I have never considered asking until recent.  They have been questions that have greatly challenged my sense of priority and what I consider to be important and necessary.  They have been questions that have revealed interesting things about my nature, who I am, and what, by my actions, I would consider to be important.  In discerning some of these questions I have been growing more aware of how it is engrained in every fiber of my soul to consume and feel the right to do so.  I feel an incredibly strong sense to my unalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (property, as the Declaration of Independence so inspirationally says...)

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I really don't have a lot.  Those who know me would also agree that I have never really made enough money to grant me the freedom to acquire all that I want.  But make no mistake about it: my nature is to want to consume, to fill my life with "stuff" that I deem valuable, and to do it proudly and shamelessly.  It is a sense of entitlement that has been stitched into my soul since the day I was born by the culture in which I was brought up in.  It is as much a part of me as my laugh or my personality.  It's natural and I wouldn't even stop for a second to consider the consequences of it (these could be anywhere from how I personally contribute to corrupt and oppressive systems when I buy clothes and such, pollute the air with vehicle exhaust, or just the idea that my sense of entitlement shapes my perception of the world and my perception of God)

I sold my truck secondarily because of the obvious economic burden that comes with a gas guzzling vehicle with payments and insurance.  But mainly, I sold it because it reflects so well my desire and sense of entitlement to go where I want, when I want to, as fast as traffic will let me in order that I might do what I feel I need to do.  I needed to make a clean break and allow God to begin teaching me to let go of things I feel like I can't live without.  

So my goal is to make it though the winter without a car.  Maybe that will lead to a renewed ambition and vigor to continue to surrender every aspect of my life over to a God that doesn't give excessively to some but abundantly for all.  Maybe God will show me how to do the same so that I may be generous and benevolent with all that I have instead of being protective and self seeking with what I don't.